When I’m anxious, I get the same recurring dream
I am on stage either doing an audition or a show, and I can’t remember what I’m supposed to do, I have no material, and I run away.
Obstacles and limitations will force us to get creative and achieve what most would believe to be impossible.
Cannot Sleep
Maybe it was the coffee with liquor that I absentmindedly had for a night cap.
Tomorrow is my Thursday, it is also NFL Sunday at ESPN club, which is my favoritenot.
Perhaps the caffeine is making me excited, but I am emotionally very awake right now and feel driven, hungry, and just filled with desire but I have no idea for what even.
I just want to take deep breaths of fresh air and fill myself up with life. I can’t even explain this properly, I am holding a clenched fist to my chest, I am filled with desire but have absolutely no idea what I even want. It’s not food, it’s not any articular activity or person; I cannot put my finger on it.
I feel happy. I feel comfortable.
I am talking to a friend of mine who is currently in recovery and I listen to her stories and am reminded of where I was and where I am now, and I am so thankful to be out of the darkness and so proud for her in her progress. Maybe at this acknowledgement of personal growth, I am anxious to live my life in the clarity; to take the reigns.
Sometimes when I’m exhausted from work and feeling slightly insignificant, I’ll get a message like this from a stranger and it makes everything all better.
Leased signed. It’s MOVING DAY!!! But pause. Let me tell you about the tenant prior. Rude to the other roommates, never paid rent on time, an she stole a bunch of the apartments furniture that she took no part in purchasing. I came into the room, she left behind the most disgusting mess, never dusted or cleaned the windows ONCE while she was here, found two dead little frogs on the window, and she friggin put STICKERS on the wall. I have been scrubbing this room up and down for the past three hours. Never before in my life have I wanted to badly to like scold someone I did not know. But as everything is getting cleaned, it’s starting to feel MINE. I did it, mom! (at lion girl’s camden)
THE Neil Patrick Harris and his beautiful family is breathing the same air as me right now and I do not know what to do. Peter Pan’s flight was the babies’ first Disney ride. They loved it. He got choked up. I cannot.
I CANNOT WAIT
So let me tell you guys about this place!
It’s a total of five roommates (myself included); two guys, three girls, in four rooms. One couple, three singles. We all work for Disney! The community is gated, so it’s safe. When I was finished there I drove straight to Hollywood Studios and I kid you not it was a 10 MINUTE DRIVE. AMAZING! The ceilings are a very nice height, so I don’t feel like a giant. There is a screened back patio with a lake view, the lake is literally our backyard, it’s beautiful! My room is not at all as big as my room back home, maybe half that, but I’m loving the opportunity to make it my own! I can afford it, the people are so friendly, and they like me as well so far, so they’re welcoming me into the apartment by the end of the week! Just holding out a few more days of being cramped in my car and spontaneously deciding where I’ll sleep that night! I can do it! I am so excited!! Dream come true!!!
